The Alexei Sayle line is, ‘Is it me, or is it bald, fat and Scouse in here?’

The Simon Woods line is, ‘Is it me, or are people missing the point in giving info on wines to normal people?’

Let’s transfer a typical spiel into a different genre…

‘This hand-crafted cheese comes from Daisy and Annabel, two five-year-old Fresians who graze on south-west facing slopes of rye, vetch and wheatgrass at altitudes between 1000m and 1200m in the French Alps. They are milked in the state-of-the-art dairy at 5am and their milk is then stirred for ten minutes anti-clockwise before rennet (sourced from from the stomach of Daisy’s now-deceased daughter Buttercup) and the juice of two organic Valencian limes is added. The mixture is then stored in a new Italian stainless steel bucket for two hours etc. etc.’

Is it any wonder that many people just flit past the wine coverage in mags and newspapers?